本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛A friend of mine
I don’t know whether I can address us like that or not - as friends.
He was nine years older than me, working in my father’s unit, a very nice guy with strong character in a silent way.
If I could get the chance to know him directly, see his smile, listen to his whisper, share his dreams, talk about the issues around, I would fall in love with him, I guess.
Then we would have a very loving family, most time we don’t really have to tell what we want, just let feeling express feeling, love touch out love. Words is not necessary in this family. Sometimes, I had dreamed that way before he passed away.
We had a lot of chances to see each other. Every time, I only went to look for my father, while he ignored me like I was transparent.
My father always mentioned about how good he was, my sister liked to talk about him as a guy girls would admire. I over heard a lot of his stories and no chance to know myself.
Sometimes, we inevitably bumped each other. From the rest of my quick glimpse, I saw a totally flushed face and very awkward reaction of walking.
Then, I guess he might over heard a lot about me as I did.
Then there was still no talk. I thought I started to know something about him.
One day, deliberately, I want to hit him half way of his road. He saw me in distance and hesitated and withdrew. Then I chose the way he chose and went ahead.
He walked like a clown on cliff, didn’t know how to step forward. We were all totally flushed when we crossed.
Then, I went to university, not many chances to see each other. Over developed in all other aspects but not this area, I didn’t really know much about adults.
In summer vacation, I went to visit my father’s office. This time it was just an excuse. Eagerly, I wanted to talk to him very much, if there could be a chance.
I didn’t find my father, but him and his colleague. They talked so happily, sharing a watermelon. His colleague was a young lady just graduated.
Sitting there like an unnecessary sculpture, being ignored and forgotten by everyone there.
I cried on my way home.
The next couple of weeks, I went out with any of the boys who came to my home and invited me out. Always, we saw him half way, laughing and talking - I was so happily.
Summer just went through quickly. I went back to school without much regret.
Then one day, all sadness suddenly came to me. Eyes looked like riping peaches all the time, sometimes, I woke up with my pillow totally soaked with tears.
I couldn’t stay at school any longer but back home.
My sister told me the news. He ended himself up the right office where I had sat there waiting for my father.
He had four books of diaries, she said, asked his brother to burn them all away. Nobody knew why he did that to himself.
Nobody knew there was one person so desperate, but looked so calm like listen to a real story.
Sometimes I still cry like I’m crying now. Learning to take him as my friend, miss him like a friend.
"You might be strongly related to his pass", sometimes, I talked to myself.
But God, please forgive me, I was too young to handle this case.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
I don’t know whether I can address us like that or not - as friends.
He was nine years older than me, working in my father’s unit, a very nice guy with strong character in a silent way.
If I could get the chance to know him directly, see his smile, listen to his whisper, share his dreams, talk about the issues around, I would fall in love with him, I guess.
Then we would have a very loving family, most time we don’t really have to tell what we want, just let feeling express feeling, love touch out love. Words is not necessary in this family. Sometimes, I had dreamed that way before he passed away.
We had a lot of chances to see each other. Every time, I only went to look for my father, while he ignored me like I was transparent.
My father always mentioned about how good he was, my sister liked to talk about him as a guy girls would admire. I over heard a lot of his stories and no chance to know myself.
Sometimes, we inevitably bumped each other. From the rest of my quick glimpse, I saw a totally flushed face and very awkward reaction of walking.
Then, I guess he might over heard a lot about me as I did.
Then there was still no talk. I thought I started to know something about him.
One day, deliberately, I want to hit him half way of his road. He saw me in distance and hesitated and withdrew. Then I chose the way he chose and went ahead.
He walked like a clown on cliff, didn’t know how to step forward. We were all totally flushed when we crossed.
Then, I went to university, not many chances to see each other. Over developed in all other aspects but not this area, I didn’t really know much about adults.
In summer vacation, I went to visit my father’s office. This time it was just an excuse. Eagerly, I wanted to talk to him very much, if there could be a chance.
I didn’t find my father, but him and his colleague. They talked so happily, sharing a watermelon. His colleague was a young lady just graduated.
Sitting there like an unnecessary sculpture, being ignored and forgotten by everyone there.
I cried on my way home.
The next couple of weeks, I went out with any of the boys who came to my home and invited me out. Always, we saw him half way, laughing and talking - I was so happily.
Summer just went through quickly. I went back to school without much regret.
Then one day, all sadness suddenly came to me. Eyes looked like riping peaches all the time, sometimes, I woke up with my pillow totally soaked with tears.
I couldn’t stay at school any longer but back home.
My sister told me the news. He ended himself up the right office where I had sat there waiting for my father.
He had four books of diaries, she said, asked his brother to burn them all away. Nobody knew why he did that to himself.
Nobody knew there was one person so desperate, but looked so calm like listen to a real story.
Sometimes I still cry like I’m crying now. Learning to take him as my friend, miss him like a friend.
"You might be strongly related to his pass", sometimes, I talked to myself.
But God, please forgive me, I was too young to handle this case.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net