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我老幺的写作确实比两个大的要好一些。现在8年级,7年级的老师碰到了,还要娃把作文给她看。 以前写的一个小故事。。。

She smiled back

The captain grinned like a clam cracked open, displaying his one pearl tooth. His eyes bulged out of his face as he cackled, he pushed the old leather binoculars so far into his skin that pink-crescent moons outlined his eyes.

“He’s still doing that thing with his face?” Jed whispered, cupping his mouth with his calloused hand as if the captain could hear.

“Yeah,” Gary sighed, patting the sulking Jed in the back.“Sorry lad, I know y’all been friends for a bit, you should talk to ‘im,”

The sunlight that kissed the black waves melted into a dim white before casting out completely, a quiet drizzle fell upon the white decks. Jed’s tangled black hair stuck against his scalp and fell in front of his eyes as he trudged towards the captain.

Though the rain was cold and drove the captain’s white knuckles into a blood-shot red, still, he cackled.

“Hey, Louis,” Jed smiled weakly as his hand clutched his plump belly, “gettin’ a bit cold out, eh?”

The captain let out a heartful sigh before smiling again.

“Not really,” he responded, though Jed knew Louis wasn’t paying attention to what he was saying.

“The festival should be nice and loud, and super welcoming.” Louis sighed again, rubbing his dirty nails against his stubble. “Imagine the children dancing and singing in the town square. And the blue flags on the food stall--ah, I miss it,”

Jed chuckled, before combing his fingers through his wet hair.

Lightning struck a distant wave.

“Louis, you should head inside, storm’s headin’ this way,' ' Jed interrupted the cations nonsensical rambles.

“Not to worry, friend,” Louis reassured. “T’is just a light drizzle, few sparks of lightning. It’s clear seas from here lad, clear seas.”

Jed bellowed at his calmness, clutching on the railing.

Another bolt of lightning, this time much closer.

“Clear seas?” he mocked, hand clutching his belly again. ”That cackle of thunder means ‘clear seas’ to you?”

“You worry too much, dear friend.” Louis turned to smile at the short man. “All will be well,” and with the tip of his hat, Jed was sent to prepare the deck.

Jed staggered back to Gary.

The captain leaned closer against the railing, inky black paint rubbing off against his white dress shirt.

“Jed!” Louis jumped, pointing towards a disarray of waves.
“IT’S EMERY!”

“God,” Gary muttered, “He’s gotta get over her, she’s been dead for ages.”

“My! She’s just like how I left her, ribbons and all! She’s even sitting on this shiny blue rock, looking just like our diamond wedding ring!”

Another lightning bolt, this time closer.

“Prepare the lifeboats,” Jed whispered, pushing Gary away from the captain. “A storm is starting.”

“She’s missing her feet though! She sure had those last time I saw her.”

Another lightning bolt stuck, hitting the dock.

Jed and Gary rushed towards the lifeboats, leaving the captain drenched in the rain.

#

He smiled at her.

She didn’t smile back.

#

“Should we get the captain?” Caddie asked, wringing rain out of her red curls.

“No,” Gary laughed, “He thinks his dead wife is in the water, without feet!”

Lightning struck the deck..

“God! What the hell was that!” Caddie cursed.

The crew pushed the yellow boats onto the burnt deck, throwing baby-blue oars on them.

Water rose up to ankle level, drenching the crew’s cotton socks and Jed’s dress pants.

“This is ship ALHUBA speaking,” Caddie screamed to the communicator, “The ship is down, we are evacuating to Alhirih island!”

“Where’s Captain Louis?”

“Gone, crazy. I’m not sure what happened to him during our voyages on sea but he’s not sane!”

Jed fled up the stairs, the icy water dripping off his hip and the bottom of his shirt. Finally, he reached the top deck, where Louis had draped his body over the railing, trying to reach out into the water.

Jed ran towards the captain, pouring rain blinding him. He wrapped his arms around Louis’s as they both hollered, eyes full of tears.

They both toppled onto the varnished floor, Louis’s binoculars tangled around them both.

“Jed.” Louis’s foul breath was hot. “Why?”

Louis broke into sobs, hands clutching onto Jed’s shirt as he wiped his snot on his shoulder.

“Jed… She won’t even look at me!” He wailed. “I smiled at her just like I used to, oh but the charming smile is gone! Gone--and she won’t even look at me, not at all!”

Jed looked at the water but saw no one.

“Jed, leave him. He’s gone to far,”

Louis got up and plunged into the water, choking on his blood and tears.

“Emery!” Louis’s arms flailed around in the salty water, his legs flailing around in the water.

“Look at me! Whatever I’ve done wrong you must forgive!”

Gary picked Jed up off the deck, peeling the broken binoculars off of him and dragging him back down.

“Beloved!” choked the distant voice of the captain. “Look at me!”

Gary dragged Jed down the stairs, yanking his limp body down each step.

“I cannot live without your smile,” the once strong-willed captain was reduced only to a whimper, a forgotten breeze in a tornado.

#

Perched on the blue stone, she smiled back at him.

Thank you, Emery.

Then she faded, Louis laughed.

#

“C’mon lad,” Gary hoisted Jed onto a boat with Caddie’s help.

“He’s too far gone.”

They took off into the sea, Louis’s raspy bellowing in the distance. Jed sat limp in the lifeboat, his fingers quivered.

“I see him,” he whispered, “The captain, over there, where the waves part? Louis is just sitting there in the ocean, on that shiny blue rock, we have to get him.”

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Replies, comments and Discussions:

  • 枫下家园 / 望子成龙 / 学校乱七八糟靠不住,家长们怎么提高娃的英语写作能力?除了请私教。
    • 1, How old is the kid? 2, Have you ever written long letters in English to your kid? If not, start from yourself.
    • 感觉先提高孩子的阅读,思考,分析能力入手吧。高中之前,多借不同种类的书来泛读,并关注一下周边社会热点新闻,7-8年级开始泛读精读同步进行。肚子里有货了,随着年龄增长,思想逐渐成热,写作能力会在10年级左右看到一个小飞跃….
    • 家长找书给孩子读,我说的是课本之类的。课外书孩子自己找。不过这个办法适用于小时候,青春期以后就算了。
    • 自己写
    • 这个应该也属于天赋一类的。补习或多练可以减少语法逻辑错误,但要实现质的飞跃,很难。 +1
      • 同意。写作靠天赋
      • 个人理解,LZ的贴子也不是在问如何去当文豪,普通娃是可以逐渐提高写作能力的,但不能要求短期一蹴而就,需要孩子花漫长的时间去准备,铺垫,静等年龄和思想上的逐步成形成熟。
    • 都说读书能提高写作。其实不是这样的。写作actively engage our brain。Reading is passive,slightly better than watching TV。还是要多写,多写,多写,跟刷题一样的。 +4
      • 我一直觉得读是读,写是写。reading is passive, writing is active。 +2
        • 嗯,就像自己赚钱 VS 看别人赚钱。😂
          • 11,升华咧。
            • Haha, just saying in a way most Chinese parents would understand.
        • 大部分时候读书是在读情节,对写作帮助不大。
      • 写作一定要老师改。学校英语老师就够了。
        • 你的经验是好学校的好老师吧,再加个天才的孩子?是不是这样?😆
          • 我老幺的写作确实比两个大的要好一些。现在8年级,7年级的老师碰到了,还要娃把作文给她看。 以前写的一个小故事。。。

            She smiled back

            The captain grinned like a clam cracked open, displaying his one pearl tooth. His eyes bulged out of his face as he cackled, he pushed the old leather binoculars so far into his skin that pink-crescent moons outlined his eyes.

            “He’s still doing that thing with his face?” Jed whispered, cupping his mouth with his calloused hand as if the captain could hear.

            “Yeah,” Gary sighed, patting the sulking Jed in the back.“Sorry lad, I know y’all been friends for a bit, you should talk to ‘im,”

            The sunlight that kissed the black waves melted into a dim white before casting out completely, a quiet drizzle fell upon the white decks. Jed’s tangled black hair stuck against his scalp and fell in front of his eyes as he trudged towards the captain.

            Though the rain was cold and drove the captain’s white knuckles into a blood-shot red, still, he cackled.

            “Hey, Louis,” Jed smiled weakly as his hand clutched his plump belly, “gettin’ a bit cold out, eh?”

            The captain let out a heartful sigh before smiling again.

            “Not really,” he responded, though Jed knew Louis wasn’t paying attention to what he was saying.

            “The festival should be nice and loud, and super welcoming.” Louis sighed again, rubbing his dirty nails against his stubble. “Imagine the children dancing and singing in the town square. And the blue flags on the food stall--ah, I miss it,”

            Jed chuckled, before combing his fingers through his wet hair.

            Lightning struck a distant wave.

            “Louis, you should head inside, storm’s headin’ this way,' ' Jed interrupted the cations nonsensical rambles.

            “Not to worry, friend,” Louis reassured. “T’is just a light drizzle, few sparks of lightning. It’s clear seas from here lad, clear seas.”

            Jed bellowed at his calmness, clutching on the railing.

            Another bolt of lightning, this time much closer.

            “Clear seas?” he mocked, hand clutching his belly again. ”That cackle of thunder means ‘clear seas’ to you?”

            “You worry too much, dear friend.” Louis turned to smile at the short man. “All will be well,” and with the tip of his hat, Jed was sent to prepare the deck.

            Jed staggered back to Gary.

            The captain leaned closer against the railing, inky black paint rubbing off against his white dress shirt.

            “Jed!” Louis jumped, pointing towards a disarray of waves.
            “IT’S EMERY!”

            “God,” Gary muttered, “He’s gotta get over her, she’s been dead for ages.”

            “My! She’s just like how I left her, ribbons and all! She’s even sitting on this shiny blue rock, looking just like our diamond wedding ring!”

            Another lightning bolt, this time closer.

            “Prepare the lifeboats,” Jed whispered, pushing Gary away from the captain. “A storm is starting.”

            “She’s missing her feet though! She sure had those last time I saw her.”

            Another lightning bolt stuck, hitting the dock.

            Jed and Gary rushed towards the lifeboats, leaving the captain drenched in the rain.

            #

            He smiled at her.

            She didn’t smile back.

            #

            “Should we get the captain?” Caddie asked, wringing rain out of her red curls.

            “No,” Gary laughed, “He thinks his dead wife is in the water, without feet!”

            Lightning struck the deck..

            “God! What the hell was that!” Caddie cursed.

            The crew pushed the yellow boats onto the burnt deck, throwing baby-blue oars on them.

            Water rose up to ankle level, drenching the crew’s cotton socks and Jed’s dress pants.

            “This is ship ALHUBA speaking,” Caddie screamed to the communicator, “The ship is down, we are evacuating to Alhirih island!”

            “Where’s Captain Louis?”

            “Gone, crazy. I’m not sure what happened to him during our voyages on sea but he’s not sane!”

            Jed fled up the stairs, the icy water dripping off his hip and the bottom of his shirt. Finally, he reached the top deck, where Louis had draped his body over the railing, trying to reach out into the water.

            Jed ran towards the captain, pouring rain blinding him. He wrapped his arms around Louis’s as they both hollered, eyes full of tears.

            They both toppled onto the varnished floor, Louis’s binoculars tangled around them both.

            “Jed.” Louis’s foul breath was hot. “Why?”

            Louis broke into sobs, hands clutching onto Jed’s shirt as he wiped his snot on his shoulder.

            “Jed… She won’t even look at me!” He wailed. “I smiled at her just like I used to, oh but the charming smile is gone! Gone--and she won’t even look at me, not at all!”

            Jed looked at the water but saw no one.

            “Jed, leave him. He’s gone to far,”

            Louis got up and plunged into the water, choking on his blood and tears.

            “Emery!” Louis’s arms flailed around in the salty water, his legs flailing around in the water.

            “Look at me! Whatever I’ve done wrong you must forgive!”

            Gary picked Jed up off the deck, peeling the broken binoculars off of him and dragging him back down.

            “Beloved!” choked the distant voice of the captain. “Look at me!”

            Gary dragged Jed down the stairs, yanking his limp body down each step.

            “I cannot live without your smile,” the once strong-willed captain was reduced only to a whimper, a forgotten breeze in a tornado.

            #

            Perched on the blue stone, she smiled back at him.

            Thank you, Emery.

            Then she faded, Louis laughed.

            #

            “C’mon lad,” Gary hoisted Jed onto a boat with Caddie’s help.

            “He’s too far gone.”

            They took off into the sea, Louis’s raspy bellowing in the distance. Jed sat limp in the lifeboat, his fingers quivered.

            “I see him,” he whispered, “The captain, over there, where the waves part? Louis is just sitting there in the ocean, on that shiny blue rock, we have to get him.”

            • 一般来说女娃读书多,表达能力比男娃强。看高中英语女娃高分的多。
            • 这位老师真好。写作是需要勇气的,怎么鼓励都不嫌多。 +2
            • 男娃还是女娃?描述细腻,人物感情色彩也丰富,7年纪?文笔老道LOL。
              • 过奖了,8年级小棉袄,非常喜欢写东西。
                • 小姑娘有才华,你有福专享独家故事会:)。
      • 光读书肯定不行,读完能够写读后感会有帮助。 +1
    • 我觉得得自己先憋,憋出了能读得通的 draft 之后,再找人帮忙引导。 +1
    • 公校的英语老师好像都挺好的,比数学老师强多了。多读,泛读加精读。多写。 +1
      • 我其实觉得文科方面学校教的还是不错的,跟着老师就好了,精读,presentation,research project都需要先读后写,老师feedback很仔细。
        • 这里文科是教的比较全面。不过能不能遇到认真指导的好老师,就真的是看运气了。
    • 英文好是读书多,不是老师教的好。这个时代,要充分利用免费的网络资源。 +2
    • 精读,天天写,逢写必修改。
      • 外国人修改本国人的作文,怕越改越差哦
        • 孩子自改,不断提高 +1
    • 从小大量阅读,闲谈时和孩子讨论某本书的内容,各自发表观点。重视学校老师对自己作文的点评。scholastic网站有历年获奖作品,可以让孩子当范文学习。
      • 真的孩子读书的速度我跟不上,只能看看别人写的review. 我是不是也该努力推推自己 :(
        • 我们的英语一定是赶不上娃们的,有些词还要请教他们,慢慢看也能读下来,和孩子讨论很有趣。
      • 同意。从小多读书很有帮助 +1
        • 同意,我不爱读书,很后悔
    • 4点关键:1多读但读什么要讲究,否则浪费时间还事倍功半而效果不佳,学写作别读太多小说故事类而是多读散文及论说文。2.多观察和思考是形成个人独立观点和表达风格的前提。3.多写多改,有对完美表达的理想追求。4.细品文字,积累/领悟语感语境。
      • 散文和论说文对应的英文作品是什么呢?
    • 说实话,我觉的最好的方法还是找个资质比较好的当地英文老师做私教,一周一次慢慢磨炼个两三年,语言文字这种东西需要一点点打基础的 +1
    • 学校教数学不行,教英语还是靠的住的,个人感觉用不着特意在校外使劲儿。